Archive for the 'not satire' Category

The TSA: Keeping America Safe From Nipple Rings, Old Men In Wheelchairs and Other Grave Threats To National Security

Friday, July 25th, 2008

This latest news on the Transportation Security Administration’s valiant efforts to keep us all safe and protected from the Islamo-Fascist Terror Menace comes to us by way of Manuel Lora at Lew Rockwell’s blog:

For arguing with a TSA agent, Robin Kassner wound up being slammed to the floor. She’s filed a lawsuit.

“I kept begging them over and over again get off of me…and they wouldn’t stop,” Kassner said.

And it wasn’t enough for another woman to show TSA agents nipple rings that set off a metal detector. The agents forced her to take them out.

Mandi Hamlin said, “I had to get pliers and pull it apart.”

In Chicago, people like Robert Perry are subjected to exhaustive security checks. He was patted down, his wheel chair was examined and his hands were swabbed, all in public view in a see-through room at the security checkpoint. Perry, 71, is not alone.

“It’s humiliation,” Perry said.

Perry was also taken to a see-through room by a TSA agent when his artificial knee set off the metal detector.

“He yelled at me to get the belt off. ‘I told you to get the belt off.’ So I took the belt off. He ran his hands down over and pulled the pants down, they went down around my ankle,” Perry said.

At that point, Perry was standing in his underwear in public view. He asked to see a supervisor. That made things worse.

“She was yelling ‘I have power, I have power, I have power,” Perry said. The power to stop him from flying to Florida with his wife that day to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

“It makes you feel like you have no rights,” Perry said.

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Governor Perry Takes More Bribes

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
From the Houston Chronicle:
Gov. Rick Perry’s request for a waiver of federal corn-based ethanol production mandates was prompted by a March meeting he had with East Texas poultry producer Lonnie “Bo” Pilgrim, who six days later gave $100,000 to the Republican Governors Association chaired by Perry.
Perry already has already shown his corruptibility in the not too distant past when he signed a controversial executive order requiring girls aged about 11 or 12 to be vaccinated with Gardasil, a vaccine against the sexually transmitted human papillomavirus (HPV). The order closely followed Perry receiving a political donation from Merck, the vaccine’s manufacturer.
(Also posted at enlightened rogue)

The Chinese Government’s Kinder, Gentler Final Solution

Saturday, June 28th, 2008

It would appear that the legally privileged gangsters of “the People’s” Republic of China have traded the boot stamping on a human face for the calm, soothing injection to oblivion within the comfortable confines of a “mobile execution chamber.”

By way of Disinfo.com, I found this report by Tim Boucher:

What is that fine looking vehicle, you ask? Why, it is part of “China’s new fleet of mobile execution chambers.”

Makers of the death vans say the vehicles and injections are a civilized alternative to the firing squad, ending the life of the condemned more quickly, clinically and safely. The switch from gunshots to injections is a sign that China “promotes human rights now,” says Kang Zhongwen, who designed the Jinguan Automobile death van.

The AOL News link that Boucher cites doesn’t appear to be working, but I found this June 2006 USA Today article on the execution of convicted murderer-rapist Zhang Shiqiang in one such death chamber-on-wheels (which appears to be the article Boucher quoted and attempted to link):

The country that executed more than four times as many convicts as the rest of the world combined last year is slowly phasing out public executions by firing squad in favor of lethal injections. Unlike the United States and Singapore, the only two other countries where death is administered by injection, China metes out capital punishment from specially equipped “death vans” that shuttle from town to town…

For years, foreign human rights groups have accused China of arbitrary executions and cruelty in its use of capital punishment. The exact number of convicts put to death is a state secret. Amnesty International estimates there were at least 1,770 executions in China in 2005 — vs. 60 in the United States, but the group says on its website that the toll could be as high as 8,000 prisoners.

I could just see something like this being supported by both major parties here in the United States. Why, just think of all the “terr’rists” they could round up and execute!

And it’s all perfectly humane! No muss, no fuss.

(Cross-posted at The Postmodern Tribune.)

Image Review of the Week

Sunday, March 23rd, 2008

Maybe the way to rid the world of Washington is to cover it with graves:

Daddy loses a leg but not the disease of nationalism:

The Emperor does a jig to celebrate five years of darkness:

Sorry, you lost me at “We”

Premier Wen Jiabao answers those who criticize China’s crackdown in Tibet:

Shame on the North Vietnamese for letting him go!

New Iraqi police academy graduates show off the “valuable skills” they’ve learned:

There appears to be no slow down in the grave marker business……

…………This sure helps:

 

The beat goes on. Paterson claims to be as slimey as his predecessor. I guess the masses are more forgiving to those who are black and blind:

Hold up your hands in a gesture of peace and be shackled by the purveyors of war:

 

How To Treat A Wall

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008

“I can smell the freedom.”

Deadbeat FBI’s Spook Lines Cut Off For Non-Payment

Thursday, January 10th, 2008

Man, you know times are tough when the government-privileged phone cartel starts biting the hand that protects it:

“Late payments have resulted in telecommunications carriers actually disconnecting phone lines established to deliver surveillance results to the FBI, resulting in lost evidence, including an instance where delivery of intercept information required by a … FISA order was halted due to untimely payment,” the audit said. 

I know this will shock you dear reader, but it appears that the reason the Feds fell behind on their phone bills is that one of the law enforcement bureaucrats dipped his hands in the till to the tune of $25,000.

That’s the kind of government corruption we need more of. Every good upstanding American should give him (or her) a great big wet kiss on the lips! Job well done!

You just might be an individualist if…

Monday, December 3rd, 2007

I received in my e-mail this morning some correspondence from a family member whose mind is clearly in thrall to Throne and Altar.

The e-mail was forwarded to him by someone whom I can only imagine is himself some kind of jackboot-licking Amero-Fascist. Here’s the complete text in all its power-loving, state-worshipping glory:

“It is time to change from REDNECK humor to TRUE AMERICAN Humor! Only it isn’t seen as HUMOR, but the correct way to LIVE YOUR LIFE ! If you feel the same, pass this on to your True American friends. Y’all know who they are…

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Fragile Neocon Delusions

Tuesday, July 24th, 2007

I picked up a recent issue of Time magazine while sitting in my dentist’s waiting room the other day, and came across this article by neoconservative “public intellectual” William Kristol, titled—get this“Why Americans Should Feel Happy.”

Kristol observes that

“About three-quarters of Americans, according to surveys, think the country is on the wrong track. About two-thirds of the public disapprove of the job performance of President Bush, and an even higher number disdain Congress.”

Being a lifelong worshipper of state power, Kristol seems a little concerned about this development. Surely, so many people being down in the mouth about the US Federal Megastate bodes ill for Western civilization, or so Kristol seems to think.

So he endeavors to bolster his countrymen’s understandably waning faith in their government by reminding them that there was another time when they were so pessimistic about their oh-so-precious social democracy, and he insists that they turned out to be wrong:

“The widespread pessimism in the early 1990s about the course of the country turned out to be unwarranted. The rest of the decade featured impressive economic growth, a falling crime rate, successful reform of the welfare system and a reasonably peaceful world. Perhaps the problems weren’t so bad in the first place, or perhaps the political system produced politicians, like Bill Clinton, Rudy Giuliani and Newt Gingrich, who were able to deal with the problems. But, in any case, the country got back on course.”

I literally burst out in laughter when I read the above paragraph. Is this schmuck for real? Methinks Mr. Kristol, through his Weekly Standard, has spent so much time spinning propaganda for the War Party—which consisted of some of the biggest, most fallacious whoppers in the entire history of propaganda—that he now appears to be so lost in his own make-believe world as to have no contact with reality whatsoever. Perhaps his inability to discern 300 million individuals from something he calls ”the country” gives us a clue.

Does he sincerely believe that politicians saved us from ourselves in the previous decade???

Oh yes, where O where would we be, O Bubba, O Newtish One, O “America’s Mayor,” without your firm, guiding hands? O praise and glory be to thee upon the highest, O wise ones!

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O’Reilly vs. Colbert

Thursday, January 18th, 2007

Today, a high point in the reality vs. satire wars: O’Reilly and Colbert will be trading appearances. Sadly, though, they will only be guests on each other’s shows, not trading hosting duties. As a colleague of mine quipped, the O’Reilly fans would probably hail Colbert as the Second Coming, while the Colbert audience would boo O’Reilly off the stage. Then again, maybe it would go the other way. Who knows these days?

As they say, check your local listings.

Illegal Hyperlinks

Wednesday, January 17th, 2007

Why oh why must the copyright racket be so ridiculous?

U.S. District Judge Sam Lindsay in the northern district of Texas granted a preliminary injunction against Robert Davis, who operated Supercrosslive.com and had been providing direct links to the live audiocasts of motorcycle racing events.

Lindsay ruled last week that “the link Davis provides on his Web site is not a ‘fair use’ of copyright material” and ordered him to cease linking directly to streaming audio files.

Rest of it here.  Sometimes I have to look at the URL to make sure I’m not reading The Onion.