Successful Secession, Failed Revolution

Column by tzo.

Exclusive to STR

Once upon a time there was a nation divided. The southern region used human beings from Africa as slaves while the northern region did not. Of course the North still benefited financially from the South’s system of involuntary servitude, and so even though only the South utilized slave labor directly, the entire nation condoned it and profited greatly from it.

The slaves primarily were needed for crops that grew in the warmer climes, and so it was no coincidence that the divide in the nation between those who used slaves and those who did not took place along lines of latitude. The warmer zones that were conducive to the crops that could utilize enslaved human beings for their production, did so. The colder territories did not support such a business model, and so while the North only indirectly participated in the peculiar institution from afar, its support and approval was critical for the continued existence of the African slave trade (which was actually pioneered by the North).

Now it turns out that there were various philosophical, political, and economic rifts between the two regions, and one day the slaveholding South decided that enough was enough, and made the decision to secede from the other. This was deemed unacceptable by the North, which was determined to keep the entire nation intact. What followed was a bloody civil war.

But eventually the slaveholders succeeded with their plan and became their own sovereign nation of united states. They considered this to be a great moral victory, claiming that any group of people should be free to exist and unite and be equal to all the other sovereign nations on the Earth, because All Men Are Created Equal and should be free to have their own slave-owning sovereign nation if they so desire. This was indeed a triumph for human freedom and a humiliating blow for tyranny!

Then less than 100 years later within this newest of sovereign nations, the above story was repeated except that one minor detail changed: The region that attempted to secede, failed. And it was a good thing, too, because they were evil slaveholders, and the other region could finally compel them to give up its horrid, peculiar institution through the force of arms. The nation was saved and purified. This was indeed a triumph for human freedom and a decisive blow against human oppression!

So the moral of the story, kiddies, is that the winners always triumph for the noble cause of human freedom and the forces of evil are ever destined to fail. Might always makes right because the winners write the history books.

So just win, baby. Then afterwards, with a pen and some imagination, you can write your very own grim fairy tale.

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tzo's picture
Columnist tzo
Columns on STR: 64

tzo now lives in your head.


Samarami's picture

The instant the psychopaths of a group convince the majority they need to be "ruled" (and they -- the politicians -- should be the rulers), everybody loses.

"Our-Founding-Fathers" were all crazy bastards.

Government "...of the people, by the people and for the people..." is mythical nonsense, no matter who writes the history book.


BrianDrake's picture


Crazy seems to be too generous, since crazy could imply lack of cognitive function.

I think self-serving psychopaths is more accurate.


Samarami's picture

You're right, Bryan. I think I chose "crazy" out of fear I was overusing "psychopath". But I'm convinced nobody will remain in a government setting who does not lean toward psychopathy -- or at least sociopathy.