I see that our illustrious Secretary of War, Donald H. Rumsfeld, is furious at Germany.  They had the NERVE to say (publicly!) that Germany won't be led by the nose into an Iraq "adventure," even if Bush throws a tantrum.

So, according to the Financial Times, Rumsfeld "pointedly snubbed Peter Struck, his German counterpart, refusing to meet him during a two-day NATO meeting in Warsaw on Monday."  Ohhhhhh!  That HAD to hurt.  Just imagine gearing up to meet Mr. R in the flesh, only to find that he's canceled, snubbed you!

I know what you're thinking: How do I get Rumsfeld to snub ME, too?  But this is no laughing matter: Not only did the Germans decline to kiss Bush's feet, they even compared King Shrub to Hitler!

Well, actually, it was a soon-to-be-obscure (and former) justice minister, Herta Däubler-Gmelin, who compared Junior with Hitler.  In a fairly mild way, but compare she (apparently) did.  She was fired for her indiscretion, and Schröder, who went on to win re-election as chancellor, wrote Shrub a letter of apology.

Not enough, says Rumsfeld.  I'm looking at a picture of him right now, glaring out at the world.  This guy is PISSED.

So, what's going to happen next?  I predict that the Germans will eat a little crow.  Unfortunately.  We won't hear any Shrub-Hitler comparisons out of them any time soon, I'm guessing.

So, someone needs to fill the gap left behind!  Bush, you are Hitler.

No, sorry, that's not fair.  To Hitler.  Hitler was a dope, but he had SOME semblance of brains.  Hell, he could even paint!  Shrub can barely tie his own shoes.  Without a TelePrompter, he can't form an actual sentence in any language.  Next to Shrub, Hitler could win a Nobel prize in physics.

Nevertheless, the comparison is apt.  In terms of naked power grab, cloaked in the guise of "democracy," Hitler and Bush are twins.  What else?  Mad ambition to dominate the world?  Right.  Whipping up ill-informed people with speeches filled with lies?  Same.  Extreme paranoia?  Check.  Brutal suppression of due process under the law?  Uh-huh.  Demonization of a largely unseen "enemy"?  Yup.  Surrounding oneself with a cadre of like-minded zealots who encourage each new insanity?  Sure.  Calling anyone who questions you a friend of evil?  Ditto.

Of course, there are a wealth of details which differ.  The part of Hitler's Jews is played by another group of people today, but either way we're instructed to squint our eyes at our neighbors and keep a finger poised to call the Führer's Brownshirts when in doubt.  We're not making war on our immediate neighbors, but the genocidal, racist nature of our imminent conquest is right up Hitler's alley.  We don't call our nation "The Fatherland," but the idea is the same.

And--lucky us!--we've got weapons of mass destruction that Hitler could only dream about, and would have given his left nut for.  Just imagine Adolph with nukes!  Now imagine Idiot Bush with nukes.  Which is scarier?  I'm not sure; either one seems unimaginably frightening.  Unfortunately, Bush is in power today, and he does have nukes, and he is talking about using them to purify the world, by fire, until it reaches his own fantasy of oil-glutted perfection (or until he's decided he's killed enough).

In fairness, I have to say that there is a way in which comparing Bush to Hitler is unfair to Bush: Shrub hasn't YET murdered mass numbers of people.  He seems determined to, however, and probably can't be stopped from doing so.  THEN he'll be every bit as bad as Hitler was.  As of today, he's just a Hitler wannabe.

In a previous column, I spoke of "a tragedy unfolding, that seems like a surreal dream of a fatal car crash in slow motion."  That surreal sense is stronger than ever.  The enormity of the crimes that are about to be committed is breathtaking.

But dang, I'm depressing all of us, so let's return to a lighter note.  Rumsfeld, SOOOOOO pissed off.  Careful there, Donny, you might crush your own teeth clinching your jaw like that.  Tell you what I'll do: I'm gonna print your picture, and make it into a kind of two-dimensional voodoo doll.  I won't bother to stick it with pins or anything, just let it look out on a "Hitler = Bush" headline.  After all, we're sure to be seeing more and more of those as time progresses.

Woah!  He's sagging.  This is fun!