I don't have to fly all that often, thank goodness, but like many of us, have needed to run the "security" gauntlet several times since 9-11.  I wish I could travel Dange-Air, the airline some clever soul proposed recently, in which passengers are allowed to pack heat the entire time, after bypassing any and all security nonsense.  Betcha a dollar that the bad guys, government and otherwise, would stay clear of those flights!  But, as we all know, our Infinitely Wise Leaders have other ideas, and allowing mere citizens to make choices more substantial than "chicken or beef?" is a threat to something they care about much more than discouraging terrorism: keeping their pyramids of power ever-growing for fun and fame.

It is no surprise, therefore, that things have gotten way out of hand since last fall.  It is now so bad that a heroic backlash is forming, including, most recently, Tami Holland (see also here).  She's got a female government goon looking to harass her every time she travels.  Tami's courageous response gets a rousing cheer from any of us who are sick of government meddling in our lives, but I worry that Tami, and others who protest being fondled as she did, may end up in the slammer, or with truncheon marks on their backs, or both.

What to do?

It strikes me that we need to try to put a little fear back into the goons' hearts.  This is, of course, a dangerous game, potentially no less so than what people have already gotten into when they talk back to their tormentors.  And really, my idea is almost identical in action, but with perhaps an important difference: I want the NAMES of the offenders.

When one of the goons starts to get out of line, I wonder if lines like the following might work better than saying, "You will NOT touch me!"

- May I please speak to your supervisor?

- May I have your name, please?  I wish to make a formal complaint at      the way you are threatening me.

Also, I believe that extreme, almost exaggerated, politeness is usually a part of the best strategy.  For starters, keeping adrenaline out of the goon's blood, if at all possible, will aid in achieving a de-escalation of almost any confrontation.  Second, softly spoken words can be very chilling, as Vincent Price showed us in movie after movie.  His quiet self-assurance, coupled with pointed words, often seem more frightening than a full-throated yell of rage (not that the latter doesn't have its place!).

People who work as airport security guards, whether male or female, and whether employed by the government or by private firms, are unhappy individuals.  To put it bluntly, they didn't make the cut for better jobs.  Most of them radiate insecurity, frustration, and other emotions that make it easy enough to sense what their lives are like, and it's not a pretty picture.  The ones who are of a naturally sadistic bent get their jollies from various forms of rape, figurative and literal. 

(Someone should do a survey, like the one that revealed that people are more frightened of an IRS audit than terrorists; this new poll could ask, "Which are you more afraid of, being blown up in flight, or being violated by a security guard?")

What security guards DON'T want is to have the tables turned.  They don't want to be called on the carpet by their bosses.  They don't want to be written up for misconduct, especially if it's happened once or more before.  They fear, as we all do, losing their jobs and wondering where the next meal will come from.  Let's play on that fear when they act like jerks.

So, have I, big talker, put my theories to the test?  No.  I've been very lucky so far.  Unlike Tami, I'm not an attractive woman; I'm a male "graybeard" (or, more pointedly, "old fart"), a group not considered especially fun for petty bureaucrats to harass.  I always set off the beeps and always get wanded, but so far haven't been groped.  (I DID have an attractive young woman last time, who asked if she could "feel my legs."  I answered, "Sure!", partly in the realization that if not her, it would be some far less attractive guy who would do the feeling.  She stayed below the knees, in case you're wondering.)

In sharing these thoughts, I do not in any way, shape, or form want to come off as criticizing Tami Holland or any of the other courageous passengers who have protested their mistreatment in the strongest possible terms.  Heck, I'd like to buy a poster of Tami, as a reminder of the spirit that makes America great.  Still, I would argue that, the majority of the time, we have the best possible counterpunch when we "speak softly and carry a big stick."