D.C. Sniper: The Good News

by Joe Blow

The “sniper” shootings in the metro D.C. area can be viewed from several perspectives, most of them negative, but we are remiss if we overlook the positive aspects of this very public ordeal. Irrespective of who the shooter is or how many more citizens will be wounded or killed, there is some very good news: The truth has returned. 

The State is now seen—daily, live, and in color—for what it truly is: bloated, overrated, expensive, inefficient, ineffective, and utterly helpless against a dedicated individual who refuses to play by Leviathan’s rules. Millions of Americans have lived in a fog of delusion for decades, believing the lies of the State. Five million metro D.C. residents were recently forced to face the ugly truth: the State cannot protect them from this shooter, or from anyone else. While this used to be common knowledge and well understood, millions of other Americans also recently learned the facts of life the hard way. 

Concealed carry weapon permit applications are way up in Virginia. Fearing for their wives’ safety, husbands are sending them to the State to beg for “permission” to defend themselves. Reality therapy—don’t you just love it? 

The scales have fallen from millions of pairs of eyes in the past three weeks, thanks to the “sniper.” Suddenly, “we have all become Israelis” actually means something to those who still refused to believe it a month ago.

Millions of Americans were recently forced to confront Mao Zedong’s truth that “power comes from the barrel of a gun.” The same citizens who are now scrambling to “legally” purchase firearms to defend themselves are simultaneously witnessing renewed interest in even more gun control legislation by the State. Those who are actually paying attention soon realize that they are now wondering which is worse: not having a gun or the State’s renewed efforts to ensure that they never get one. More reality therapy.

Many Americans are suddenly operating outside their comfort zones and their anxiety levels have greatly increased. More good news! There’s nothing like reality therapy to shock complacent, deluded, and ignorant people back to their senses, and just in time for the election.

Based on current trends, the “sniper” situation in the D.C. metro area could have a profound impact on the November 5^th election. Public events are being canceled left and right. Schools are in lock down or closed. People are staying home, pedestrians are becoming scarce, and retail sales are suffering. One can only hope that the same effect will apply to the polls.

Now that the “sniper” supposedly demanded up to $10 million and also threatened the lives of everyone’s children, this becomes almost a sure thing, assuming that he is not caught by then. If he isn’t, the upcoming election will be a bust in the metro D.C. area. Voter turnout will be meager at best.

Forget about feigned legitimacy of the State, for it has none. Joe Six Pack just realized that. He is much more interested in the safety and security of his children than going through the motions of pretending to elect State officials who are clueless and helpless, despite having unlimited resources and military support.

Other great truths that have recently resurfaced, thanks to the “sniper”:

- Trading liberty for illusions of safety is never a good deal.

- A smart, mobile individual can easily outmaneuver a large, slow State.

- A single “sniper” is a very powerful force multiplier.

- Promises of politicians mean nothing as you bleed to death.

- Terror is a very effective weapon.

- Asymmetrical warfare is not only inexpensive, it is also very effective.

- Only dinosaurs and losers play by the rules in modern warfare.

- Rule #1 of submarine warfare: shoot first.

- Rule #1 of special warfare: there are no rules, win at all costs.

- God created men, Sam Colt made them equal.

The Marines just canceled their annual sniper competition due to the sensitivity of the D.C. “sniper” situation. What’s wrong with this picture? Not only is the metro D.C. area shutting down, the world’s finest military snipers are now not even being allowed to practice their deadly skills, thanks to political correctness and the upcoming election. That alone tells you all you need to know about the State.

For the rest of you, just go back to watching TV. Maybe you’ll get to see Homer Simpson utter one of his best lines: "Marge, the reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think!"