Strike The Root

There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.

  Royal Men

by Max Pacefall

Once upon a time, there lived a class of royal men.  These royal men had great power and high position and held those positions for life in the royal courts.  While they were alive, their positions guaranteed them a large and secure income and numerous fringe benefits, allowing them to live far beyond the means of most people.  They received this annuity whether or not they did any productive work, and in fact even if they did destructive work.

These royal men achieved their positions largely by connections to the King who appointed them.  They had earned these connections through loyal service and fawning admiration of the King and his court.  And once in power, they repaid the King repeatedly by doing his bidding.  When they did so, they wore ceremonial garb befitting their superior station.  They worked in large, well-decorated chambers and surrounded themselves with many minions.  They were guarded at all times and all who came near, whether criminals or plain citizens, were searched for weapons that might harm the royalty.  Those who appeared before them addressed them with exalted tones and titles.  Once, a suitor who addressed one with the wrong title was severely dressed down.  Among the strange rituals of the royal men, suitors could not put a question to them; once when one did, an embarrassed silence ensued.  Also, one could not inquire when a decision would be rendered, even years later, for fear that a quick, adverse, and retaliatory decision would be one's reward.

Regardless of what they did or to whom they did it, they could not be sued for damages in a court of law because of the privilege of sovereignty.  They were the only men in the Kingdom who could be the judge of their own cause, for when they were accused of hostility against those whose cases they decided, they passed on the question of their own fairness.  Only the fair ones would ever judge themselves unfair, which of course was never, while the unfair ones always judged themselves to be fair.

The royal subjects never quite knew how the royal courts reached their rulings as their inner workings were shrouded in strict secrecy.  Minions with loose tongues were severely punished.  The offices they held were not inherited or passed on.  However, many royal men had been minions in their youth, and many of their present minions aspired to be royal men.  Thus it was that their great and secret traditions and ceremonies were passed on, generation after generation.

Criticism of the royal men in their presence was forbidden, punished, and rare.  Criticism out of their presence was also risky and unusual.  Those most knowledgeable about the royalty's affairs feared not criticize them or else their own matters would be adversely affected.  On the contrary, obsequious praise of the royal men was common. 

One of the jobs assigned to this royal class was to tell the people of the Kingdom what powers and rights the King and his ministers could lawfully exercise.  Whenever a citizen had a grievance against the King, these royal judges would decide the matter.  When they did so, they used flowery language and strange phrases they knew the people would not understand.  Of course, since the King appointed them, they almost always decided in the King's favor.  If they did not, they knew they would never be appointed to a higher royal court.  If any subject was unhappy with a decision, he had the absolute right to complain--to a group of other royal men.  The royal men served for life, however, their lengthy of service seemed even longer as their decisions were followed hundreds of years after their deaths.

The King had never dared send his troops into the royal men's chambers to express his displeasure with their decisions.  Thus it was that the royal men had the last word on affairs of the Kingdom.  The King’s troops obeyed their edicts, as did the King himself.  This independence was, however, an illusion.  The royal men rarely gave the King cause for complaint, and they gave him free reign to tax his subjects, conscript them for foreign wars, and seize and use their property for his domestic schemes.

In the entire land, only one man had the courage to criticize these powerful men:

"We have made them independent of the kingdom itself.  They are irremovable but by their own body for any depravities of conduct, and even by their own body for the imbecilities of dotage." 

"In truth, man is not made to be trusted for life if secured against all liability to account."

"From the citadel of the law, they can turn their guns on those they were meant to defend, and control and fashion their proceedings to their own will." 

The country where this royalty lived was called the United States of America.  In the language of that land, they were called "federal judges."  The king who appointed them was called a "president."  The critic was Thomas Jefferson.

March 20, 2002

Max Pacefall is a writer living in the Midwest.