by Manuel Miles

Among the unsung heroes (and, to be sure, heroines) of society, is the noble ecdysiast.  Perusal of ecdysiastical performances is one of the most rewarding of all leisure activities, for the spectators, the ecdysiasts themselves, and the whole of society.

Although much slandered by the politically cracked minions of both the left and the right wings of the ugly statist vulture, ecdysiasts and the parlours in which they perform fill a vital social need.  In this era of nonstop verbal, legal and even physical assaults on TEAM (The Evil Adult Male) by feminazis and holy roller nut cases alike, a quiet evening of enjoyment of adult libations and distaff pulchritude can renew the average man’s faith in the female of his species.

In the passively libidinous atmosphere of his local gentlemen’s club, a man can realise that there are still young ladies of less than gargantuan girth, and that some of them are even willing to perform exotic dances for the uplifting of his masculine level of cultural appreciation.  This cognisance has multiple benefits for society at large, and not just for its distinctly male element.

For example, despite the cacophonous clamour of the sensible shoe-clad set, neither rapine nor pillage result from a pleasant evening passed in the viewing of Terpsichorean displays.  On the contrary, a feeling of peace on earth and goodwill toward women is the commonest response to such a soiree.

Furthermore, one never hears of men abandoning their wives and children to run off with ecdysiasts, while it is all too common for them to do so with secretaries, schoolmarms, nurses, chanteuses, et cetera.  The most common response of the married man who has passed a few pleasant hours in observation of such entertainment is to rush home to his wife.  This cannot but be a boon to the struggle to preserve, if not even to enlarge, the traditional family.

Finally, many of the practitioners of the ecdysiastical arts employ their financial remuneration in the betterment of their already fine minds; legions of young ladies have financed their post-secondary endeavours in this manner.  Indeed, your female attorney may have paid for her study of torts by the application of what she learnt at the barre on the stage of the bar, and who knows how much your physician might have enhanced her knowledge of anatomy and physiology by the practical application thereof in the laboratory of human experience?

The time is long overdue for a recognition of the noble spirit of the ecdysiast.  An international holiday might not be too much to ask for those who have given (or at least removed) their all for society.  At the very least, a special commemorative stamp would be entirely appropriate to honour the noble maidens who follow the Muse of Terpischore.  For, as one fellow who frequents palaces of ecdysiastical displays was overheard to comment, “Damn!  Those broads make me feel GOOD!”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

December 10, 2001