Birds of a Feather

 by Paul Hein

Ilona Staller has lived in Italy for decades, but she was born in Hungary fifty years ago, and is planning to return, to run for public office in the district of her birth.

Ms. Staller, known in Italy as Cuddles (La Cicciolina) is not without political experience. She ran for the Italian parliament in the late ‘80s. She had the advantage, one might surmise, of being something of a celebrity: a movie star. Specifically, porn movies, in which she gained wide exposure. In fact, she frequently appeared at public gatherings bare-breasted, campaigning for free-love. She was often accompanied by her predecessor as porn-queen, one Moana Pozzi, fighting for the legalization of brothels, better sex education, and something called love parks. Her grasp of the issues, though evidently more labial than cerebral, nonetheless satisfied the voters; she was elected.

There is more than the merely carnal to Ms. Staller, however. In addition to her below-the-belt positions, she intends to campaign for assistance to the poor. And she would like for everyone to be happy. A refreshing change from the usual campaign rhetoric.

There will undoubtedly be some who express indignation that the likes of a porn star run for public office. Is such indignation justified? Perhaps, in Hungary. But surely, if Cuddles decided to seek election in America, her candidacy would be mainstream.

Pornography, after all, is merely one form of moral laxity, distinguished from its mates by its visibility. Washington political circles abound in sexual sinners, but they are more inclined to keep their proclivities under wraps. And moral degeneracy is quite possible fully clothed: consider the Clintons.

Or consider that gaggle of Senators who have voted to buy the Air Force a fleet of Boeing 767s, to be transformed into tankers. The Air Force hadn’t asked for the planes, nor were they in the military budget. Never mind the fact that the lease of these aircraft will cost more than if they were purchased outright, even though regulations prohibit such a lease. It’s pork, and Congress loves it!

Missouri’s junior senator was never elected to the office. The state’s little bumpkin of a governor appointed her to her late husband’s seat, although he hadn’t been elected either—dying in a plane crash prior to the election. Technicalities! She’s now junketing in Afghanistan, where her knowledge and experience in mid-eastern affairs will enlighten everyone.

Gary Condit is running again, and Hillary remains in the Senate as a reminder that absolute innocence of virtue or honor presents no obstacle to public service.

So hats off to Cuddles! Running on her record as trash, there can be no mistaking her for a decent person, as voters in the U.S. sometimes do regarding their candidates. If she is elected, it will be because the voters of Kobanya-Kispest think she belongs in public office. And, of course, she does! She has no more comprehension of the proper role of government than does my cat Clarence, who also tends to run around naked, though not flaunting it. She just wants to do nice things for people, including having sex in the park. What better qualification!

Would a God-fearing, honest person want to associate with such people? Only if his motive was to overturn the system from within, and that would require a degree of naïveté incompatible with modern American political life. I can’t speculate about the situation in Hungary, but in America there is no vestige of legitimate government to be found. Mouthing the usual left-liberal political bromides, Cuddles wouldn’t raise an eyebrow: right at home with the good old boys!

January 10, 2002