Those Damned Mormons!

by B.R. Merrick

Exclusive to STR

April 22, 2008

They’re at it again, with their crazy religious underwear, their refusal to smoke or drink, and their belief in modern prophets.  That Joe Smith sure was an egomaniac, wasn’t he?  

But let’s set the record straight on a few things before I utter any more tired anti-Mormon clichés.  What happened in Texas this month has less to do with polygamy, the taking of more than one spouse at a time, and much, much more to do with polygyny, the taking of more than one wife at a time, an idea so repulsive to modern thinkers who continually watch it being done doggy-style on pay-per-view, or who at least think nothing of premarital sex (or lesbian sex for that matter), that the level of political correctness previously manageable in their progressive, feminist minds boils over.  How could he do that??!!  Misogynist!  

Furthermore, what happened this week should be a reminder to everyone what Freedom of Religion and Tolerance really mean to the federal government: namely, nothing at all.  

A single report of child abuse, possibly faked, and the feds are all over it, which is, of course, why child abuse is virtually non-existent in modern-day America .  An incident like this is also all it takes for organizations like Tapestry Against Polygamy, the modern-day suffragettes and prohibitionists, to be all over it as well, further proof that the taking of more than one wife, whether it is done in a community of voluntary or “involuntary” polygynists, is so evil that it must be abolished, and that Utah’s Constitution must be enforced at the point of a right-thinking woman’s gun, or a right-thinking woman’s hired gun, which is generally what the police force, otherwise known as The Ring, is.  

Looking at this group’s list of “Danger signs of abuse within a polygamous relationship” is a bit like diagnosing ADHD: you never know if you’ve got it, because anybody could read these lists and see his own life to some extent.  I read these signs of “abuse,” and see hints of my own or someone else’s maritally monogamous family.  Were my parents abusive?  According to the anti-Mormon feminists that run this website, apparently.  Then the problem, ladies, is not polygyny, but men.  Have faith, sisters, you may outlaw us guys yet, or at least keep us in tow.  

In the meantime, the state of Texas has destroyed a religious community, all for the children, of course.  And it’s not the first time the federal government has done so.  (Oh, I know, in this instance, it was a state government that did it, but really, at this point, what’s the difference?)  

You see, Mormons didn’t move out to the Salt Lake valley for the skiing in winter, or the long months of sun in spring or summer, but so that they could be left alone.  Why else leave Upstate New York?  Granted, Nauvoo , Illinois looks like a pretty good reason.  

But from day one, Joseph Smith was persecuted beyond all comprehension for his beliefs, whether you think those beliefs and practices are whacked out or not.  After Smith’s murder by an angry mob while in the “protection” (i.e., false arrest) of the government of Illinois , it was Brigham Young who led the Mormons into the Rocky Mountains , being forced to start in the winter when they had initially hoped to start after the last thaw.  Extermination orders being what they are, however, a few Mormons had to live (or is that leave?) the American Dream by freezing off a few toes.  (It took quite a lot of brainwashing to get all those plural wives to suffer on the trek along with their domineering, abusive husbands, don’t you know.)  

After months of agony, during which many people died under the umbrella of The Constitution of the United States, a document the federal government has obeyed for all of about 15 collective minutes during its 200+ year history, Mormons were finally at peace, and able to build a city with wide roads (an ingenious preparation for future increases in population), and a temple complete with empty spaces within the thick granite walls (ingenuity again) for future elevators.  

Temple-building being a paramount characteristic of the Mormons (along with Satan worship and strangling cats), it is interesting to note that the church started and finished three other large, ornate temples in the time it took to build the temple in Salt Lake City.  Why this little factoid about these polygynous weirdoes?  Observe the following timeline for the Salt Lake temple:  

1853: Work begins.

1858: The federal government sends an army to “restore order.” (You know how those Mormons are always threatening their neighbors and staying up to all hours listening to loud music!)  Brigham Young has the temple foundation covered with dirt to hide the Mormons’ religious freedom from the feds.

1860-62: Convinced the threat is no longer there, Young orders the foundation uncovered, only to discover by 1862 that it is now cracked and significantly weakened.

1862-64: Removal of the weakened foundation.

1867: Progress is finally visible above ground.

1893: Long after Young’s death (in 1877), President Wilford Woodruff, the man who would abolish polygyny under threat of the government, dedicates the Salt Lake Temple for its intended use.  

If you subtract the years added on by governmental violation of natural rights, the temple in Salt Lake should have been completed at the very latest by 1887, still too late for Young to witness the fruits of his labor.  Then again, if the government had never bothered to arrest Young’s good friend Smith, how many decades could Young and his many wives spent raising their children in Nauvoo , Illinois , and peacefully enjoying the temple there that they had slaved over?  Or better yet, how much more might they have prospered in Kirtland, Ohio, where they built their first temple, a building that glints in the sun because Mormon women ground up their china to put in the plaster, a building they enjoyed for only about two years before they were forced to leave?  Yes, I know that these buildings are eyesores, and no one likes living next to a Mormon, but if you really think about it, what might the Mormons have built if there had been no local, state, or federal government to harass them in Upstate New York?  

We will never know, and thanks to the Gollums of this world clutching at the ring, we will never have to suffer in a world filled with the Fundamentalist Latter-day Saints’ eyesores, either.  Or their bastard children.  

If you go on over to Merriam-Webster, you will see that the very first definition of “tolerance” concerns pain.  This, dear progressive feminists, is tolerance.  Too many people have morphed the meaning of tolerance into: “Please accept my views as being correct.”  Therefore, tolerance means I only have to listen to your progressive crap, not agree.  Tolerance also means you have to put up with my libertarian-anarchist views.  Tolerance means living in the same neighborhood with a gun enthusiast.  Tolerance means living next to a black family, not taking someone else’s money with your hired guns to keep the black family in its place, far away from you.  Tolerance, for all its current pomposity, is a generally uncomfortable word when it is truly understood.  Tolerance means Freedom of Religion, and Freedom of Religion means Tolerance.  Tolerance means leaving the Mormons alone to build their temple.  Tolerance means leaving polygynists and their children alone, while voluntarily helping the few women who may truly be in need of help.  Thus, true tolerance may very well lead to charity.  Where, pray tell, does the perverted meaning of tolerance lead?