They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

Top Ten Reasons Why an Anarchist Is Your Best Friend

by Retta Fontana 

Exclusive to STR

March 2, 2007

Reason #10: Anarchists are selfish capitalists.

The desire for money is the root of all business.  Anarchists look out for their own best interests and can thereby only benefit mankind, because unless they are offering us what we want, in a business sense, at a price we are willing to pay, they cannot get what it is they want – money.  This is a good, beautiful system and it’s the only one that works.   

Anarchists also believe, on principle, unlike bureaucrats granting monopolies, that others should be able to compete with them in an open market, even though this requires them to work harder to offer better products at lower prices in order to stay competitive.  Yeah, anarchists promote competition, whereas the government won’t allow it.  

Reason #9: Market anarchists are honest.

There are people who work for charities for no pay, but they do so because they either (a) don’t need the money, or (b) get an emotional or intellectual reward that is more valuable to them.  They are all indeed working for the same purpose in life – the pursuit of happiness.  Market anarchists are just very honest about it because they don’t try to get the guns of government to make you patronize their business, subsidize it or give them a tax-funded handout as most charitable organizations do.  They don’t support the violence that is government in any way, shape or form.  

Anarchists are highly motivated to be honest.  If they tried to scam you in a business transaction, they would be harming their reputation.  When word gets around about them, people would go elsewhere.  This is as it should be; it’s called “the free market.”  It works very well.  Luckily, anarchists are virtuously selfish and cannot abide anything that will harm the free market (refer back to reason #10).  The free market keeps people honest.  Ensconced bureaucrats with guns invite dishonesty at the very least because no one threatens their “business” and lives to tell about it.  

Politicians call themselves “public servants,” all the while fleecing taxpayers, voting themselves pay raises while the rest of America goes into recession, lying like a rug about the rate of inflation and what is really happening behind closed doors.  Accepting bribes is a way of life in Washington .  They sell the public good to the highest bidder, calling monopoly “regulation,” calling theft “Internal Revenue Service” or “eminent domain” and calling slavery “community service” or “Selective Service.”  They refer to mass murder as “peace keeping” and domestic spying as “security.”  

Does this country really need more politicians or does it need more anarchists?  This leads us directly to reason number eight:  

#8: Anarchists are peace-loving people.

Contrary to popular belief, anarchists do not go around blowing up things.  This is propaganda promoted by the mainstream media.  People who actually do go around blowing up things, other than demolition engineers, are actually violent, mentally ill politicians or terrorists.   

By definition, an anarchist cannot tolerate the initiation of force to achieve social goals, so they do not benefit from wanton destruction, war or the war machine.  War benefits the well connected, but harms anarchists because people who would ordinarily spend disposable income on free commerce have their hands tied up paying war taxes and clean up costs of war aftermath, which are always phenomenally higher than projected.  

You do not have to worry about an anarchist declaring war in your name or declaring war on you – killing their neighbors is bad for business.  It’s why they don’t do it even if they don’t like you.  Anarchists are people who build bridges; networks of mutually beneficial exchange on principle, as opposed to government.  Its basis is the initiation of force, and it has no principles.  

Reason #7: Anarchists do not attempt to possess your children.  Au contrare!  They don’t want them other than as patrons.  It is in the best interest of the market anarchist to provide choices that your children enjoy.  

Unlike government, the motivation of an anarchist does not stem from the belief that they have any claim on your offspring.  You can tell this is true because if they thought they had such a claim, they wouldn’t waste money on advertising (see # 10).  They do not attempt to kidnap children as the government does by passing compulsory attendance laws. Again, this would be bad for business.  They do not try to forcefully brainwash gullible children (national curriculum and pledge of allegiance), drug them (Ritalin, anti-depressants and enforced vaccinations) or hand them over to the military to get their butts blown off in a Third World hellhole for financial gain to military contractors (legislation guaranteeing access for recruiters to high schools).  

“Hey, little girl, would you like some candy (free college education)?”   This is powerful incentive for recruiters.  When I was a kid, my parents drilled into my brain not to accept gifts from strangers, that anyone who offered them was probably dangerous.  Being on the government payroll doesn’t change that.  In fact, if anything, it makes them more suspicious, as they have a lot more to take from a child than just their innocence.   

Conversely, you really can trust an anarchist because they will charge you for candy, and candy is what you’ll actually get, not missing limbs, depleted uranium poisoning or a cheap coffin.  The other day I heard a young fellow telling the other that he can go to Iraq to be a welder and make $82,000 a year.  The fact is, once you sign on the dotted line, you are a soldier first; no one in the military cares about the fact that you can weld nearly as much as you do.  

Anarchists work hard to provide you with wonderful choices, sincerely wish you a nice day and hope you’ll return for more next time.  If not, rather than interrogate, incarcerate, humiliate or overpower you, they’ll try to do better!  

I once spotted a government propaganda piece entitled, “You can trust a Communist (to be a communist).”  I say you can trust a bureaucrat to be a bureaucrat every time because they live off the backs of taxpayers to begin with and proceed from there.  They assume that the masses owe them something, plenty of something; a cushy job with benefits and a dandy government retirement.  They treat us as prisoners or despicable members of a lower caste rather than valued customers as anarchists do.   

Government only gets worse and worse and keeps delivering less and less of the security they’ve seduced America with, like a carrot dangled in front of a donkey.  In case you missed it, the donkey never actually gets the carrot and even if he did, he’d find it was rotten.  If the donkey should lose interest in hauling his tax burden around, there are plenty of sharp tools to motivate him like colorful, flashing lights in your rearview mirror, a SWAT team “party” or a visit from a Social Services snoop to poke him sharply into moving again, pulling his load round and round, empowering the machine of the state.  

Reason #6: Anarchists are truly patriotic.

Freedom from tyranny is the very cornerstone of America , and the deepest desire of an anarchist is simply to be free.   

They also believe that you should be as free as you want to be.  In fact, they have your best interests at heart simply because free people make good customers (see reason #10).  When government comes in to throw its weight around and feed off the economy with taxation and regulation, it hurts business.  It usually means that eventually some mega corporation will buy enough influence in Congress to obtain a monopoly, raising prices, reducing choices for you and me, as always screwing the taxpayer and putting the honest anarchist out of business.  A market anarchist will fight for his own freedom, and therefore, yours.  

Reason #5: Anarchists are innovative.  

It is ridiculous to try to imagine a bureaucrat painting the Mona Lisa, sculpting the Venus de Milo or composing a sonnet or a sonata.  Their skills are limited to finding new, insidious ways to suck more blood from its host (the taxpayer).   

In fact, they squeeze so much that they can buy $400 hammers, gold toilet seats and can’t even account for where billions more are squandered.  Instead they compose things like the tax code that they themselves can’t even understand.  (25% of their answers to tax queries are incorrect, but they are not responsible for errors stemming from their wrong answers.)  If the rules don’t benefit them enough, they simply change the rules.  They spend their time devising new ways to squeeze more revenue out of you without you waking up to the fact and squealing.  

Capitalists, on the other hand, will do whatever it takes to win you and keep you as a customer. They spend their time thinking about what it is you really want and spend their resources getting it to you as quickly and efficiently as possible.  If the anarchist fails in his mission to serve you, some other anarchist will quickly step in to fill the void.  They come up with things like, “How may I help you?”, “free delivery” and “free samples.”  These provide good contrast to these types of services:  traffic cops, domestic spying, eminent domain, secret extradition and water boarding. 

As there are no free lunches and no man is an island, the question is: Do you prefer to face a cash register or the guns of government?  I thought so.  This leads us to the next logical reason.  

Reason #4: Anarchists want you to protect yourself.  

They do not want to pay the government to protect you, which it can’t do anyway.  They are interested in your well-being because as a customer, they prefer your money being spent on what they have to offer rather than hospitals (quasi-government institutions) or the undertaker, as that would be the end of the business relationship altogether.   

Anarchists are completely responsible for their own safety and understand that you are too.  It is their sincere hope that you protect yourself because you are a valuable customer.  Your reliance on a government agent, who is not lawfully under any obligation to protect you or deliver on services promised, only enhances the influence of the leviathan of our criminal government, harming the anarchist and his customers.  

An anarchist who happens to be an arms dealer is particularly interested in you protecting yourself.  A living customer is a repeat customer. Also, gun owners enjoy the company of other people who take the responsibility for themselves seriously.  They will encourage and instruct you to protect yourself as efficiently as possible and encourage you to improve your aim.  

The last time we went to the shooting range, an old fellow gave us some free, helpful advice.  Even though we live in metro Detroit and must be prepared for any eventuality, he assured us that we would in all likelihood never have to actually fire the weapon to protect ourselves.  He suggested we stand next to the door an intruder is attempting to break through, rack the shotgun and call, “C’mon in!”  

“Government” is synonymous with force; you only need to mildly resist to see the guns come out.  Unthinking sheeple who spent 12 years in government schools have learned to consider this organized compassion and think that only government should have guns.  Thinking people who read history will take this to its logical conclusion and understand the need to defend themselves.  They’ll find market anarchists who agree and provide them the means to protect themselves, their home and their families to be their best friend.  

Reason #3: Anarchists are generous and helpful.  

Other than my immediate compañeros, I’ve never actually met another living anarchist.  In fact, in these parts, as in most of the civilized world, anarchy is a dirty word.  This forces a freedom-loving woman like myself to the internet for companionship.  About a year ago, I began interacting with a few anarchists whose writing impressed me.  One of them started encouraging me to write and even volunteered to edit for me.  He did this at absolutely no gain to himself other than the promulgation of my ideas and our shared passion for liberty.  This simple hand-up impressed me very much--to see a capitalist freely give of his precious time to help a perfect stranger promote liberty passes the sniff test for integrity.  Government stinks.  

Reason #2: Anarchists are not S & M freaks like the ones infesting every layer of government.  

If governments did to innocent animals what they do to people, a cry of protest would go up from the most pitiless corners of the world.  Imagine putting millions of dogs in small cages for the majority of their lives for their victimless choices.  Imagine caging a sick animal and denying them medicine because of some artificial social more.  Imagine chafing little doggie shackles used to humiliate and subjugate.  Imagine torturing animals with the intention of causing them to suffer.  If these atrocities were done to dogs, people the world over would not stand for it.  Rather than allow suffering, they shoot horses, don’t they?  In these terms, it’s easy to see the perversion inherent in the strong-arm tactics of the state.  Government violently forces us all to pay to save the whales and snowy owls, but blowing up or locking up our brothers and throwing away the key while we pay for it all is business as usual with a yawn.  

Reason #1: Anarchists are not nosy control freaks.   

The most powerful reason to recommend anarchists is that they don’t spend their time minding other peoples’ business. They’re too busy minding the store.  If there weren’t so many goons of government everywhere you look, anarchists could offer their customers infinitely more choices than they already do, bringing more happiness and freedom to anyone willing to pay for it.  

Problems in life are inevitable.  Anarchists do not waste the precious moments life has bestowed upon them meddling with other people’s experimental attempts to solve those problems, as government does.  Anarchists are the first to admit that a good solution to humanity’s problems should be spread around (marketed) and see to it that they are at their own expense.  

Chaos is life’s natural state.  Control is an illusion, but that doesn’t stop government from keeping up its futile, expensive, excessive attempts at it, lining its own pockets as it does so.  Initiating force to try to control some other sovereign human being is unnatural, sick and perverted, and can bring only suffering.   

Being a nosy control freak is time consuming, and time is money.  The anarchist is his fellow man’s best friend because, unless you ask them for help, they mind their own god damn business!  What’s not to love?