Wormin' Vermin

Exclusive to STR

That there are men in all countries who get their living by war, and by keeping up the quarrels of Nations, is as shocking as it is true; but when those who are concerned in the government of a country make it their study to sow discord, and cultivate prejudice between Nations, it becomes the more unpardonable. ~ Thomas Paine

Have you ever observed the behavior of worms? For those unaware, when a worm is exposed to light, it typically writhes and thrashes wildly in a vain attempt to quickly acquire cover. It's a curious sight, this random, and often pointless, expenditure of energy. Sometimes it's downright amusing. Actually, other creatures of the dark do similar things. Observe the actions of salamanders, snakes and sewer rats. When their cover is blown, they scurry, scamper and slither posthaste back into the darkness. Apparently these critters prefer it cool, damp and dark. They like life amongst the dank, rank, rotting rubble. It's where they feed and breed. Heat and light bother them. If you haven't witnessed such wonders, and you're curious, it's not necessary to tiptoe to the garden and begin turning over rocks, leaves or other debris. All that's needed is to listen to 'opportuneur' Dick Cheney and his sidekick George the Warhorse President in action. Now that the light's on, the heat is too, and so begin brazen blasts of bellicose braying. The oragious, outrageous, oration of the onagers is sweet music to the auricles! It's a satisfying sight to see these wretches attempt to worm their ways out of the rays. Quasi-cowpoke and wanna-be gunslinger Snakebite George says folks are irresponsibly attempting to rewrite history. Listening to him expound on either history or responsibility is like listening to him weigh in on intelligent design. You can't tell whether he's serious or joking, but you know he possesses awareness of neither. History? Sorry, but the comic book variety just doesn't cut it. Irresponsible? Can a cowboy responsibly shoot from the hip and inflict collective punishment on masses of innocent people based on 'poor intelligence'? Poor intelligence. Exactly. As youths we were warned that ignorance is no excuse. Unless, I guess, the rules are different for an officious ass with a large standing army, wads of extorted cash and nothing creative to do. Like we said as kids, George, 'I see yer lips a quiverrin and a flappin, but I don't hear a word you say.' There's still a sneer, but is the smirk fading? Wiggle, George! Squirm. No one hears you! Resign, George. It's a sight to see that snarling, draft dodging, invertebrate president of vice, Dick Cheney saying, "The president and I cannot prevent certain politicians from losing their memory, or their backbone--but we're not going to sit by and let them rewrite history." Backbone? What does a worm know of spines? But then we're supposed to believe you make history. Hey Dick, you may think you write the rules, but sorry, you control neither the writing nor the rewriting of history. So shut up and sit down, or slide back into your shelter. As for losing one's memory, perhaps that would be preferable to losing one's mind. On second thought, monstrously meretricious mentation like yours would be a marvelous thing to lose. Do maggots have minds? Or morals? Turn yourself in, Dick. Even the most delicate light is said to vanquish vampires. Only time will tell whether words wound empires. Meanwhile, watching worms wriggle has never been more fun.