Bush the Best President

by weebies

After a great deal of feverish cogitation (or is that massive indigestion?), I have recently come to the conclusion that Bush is the best president ever. For those who say this can only be the thoughts of a raving irrational lunatic (which I get called regularly for being an anarchist), I will show that Bush is the best representative of democracy, the common people, and the best hope for anarchy. While many will say this is proof da weebs has slipped a couple of gears, and needs a straightjacket and padded cell, I quote the fearless leader himself: “Bring ‘em on!”  

Bush’s detractors totally ignore his positive aspects. Sure, he is a megalomaniac war criminal who is responsible for the slaughter of innocents. But he is also the head of an administration that got the obsequious mainstream media to regurgitate every lie it spoon fed to them. Proof of this most formidable feat was confirmed by Time magazine bestowing their prestigious annual “Person of the Year” award (or is that sycophant suck up bribe?) to Bush for fooling enough people to vote for him for a second term, allowing Bush to continue to ignore the laws of the land, destroy individual freedom in America, increase the welfare/warfare state, and wage wars of aggression – all hallmarks of his first term. Now Bush can bask in the glow of his accomplishments, and join his fellow luminaries Adolph Hitler and Joseph Stalin (note Hitler and Stalin received their award before it was politically incorrect to be male, and could claim to be Man of the Year).  

Bush is a paragon of democracy. Democracy is all about choice and even the election results (a. Bush was re-elected, b. Bush was elected, c. Bush was re-selected, d. Bush was selected, e. Bush stole the election, f. who cares, is there more beer in the fridge) shows how Bush gives everyone something to pick from. Bush’s triumph also dispels the myth that democracy is mob rule. As usual, the largest plurality of all possible voters (40%) didn’t bother to partake in the farce of elections, and as usual, will have their choice of none of the above ignored.  Of those who wasted their time voting, 30% of all possible voters didn’t vote for Bush, 29% voted for Kerry, 1% for all other candidates. So 70% of all possible voters didn’t vote for Bush. And of the 30% of all possible voters who actually had their tallies counted for Bush, how many really did not want Bush, but thought Kerry was an even worse choice? The way I see it, only Bush himself, Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, Condi Rice, and Ariel Sharon (and his vote doesn’t count – or does it?) actually wanted Bush elected. The rest who voted for Bush just thought that it was better to have a conservative Republican SOB (Supreme Official Bureaucrat, what did you think I meant?) than a liberal Democrat SOB. So we can see that the beauty of democracy is that almost everyone loses, while Bush in his infinite wisdom is taking his 1% margin of victory as a mandate to continue ignoring most people and do whatever he wants, and what could be fairer than that. I can hear Bush singing now, “I got the gold mine, y’all got the shaft.” Bush is determined to spread democracy, and I say, why not? I mean, if we have to suffer under democracy, why shouldn’t the rest of the world have to suffer too?  

One of the charges leveled against most politicians is that they don’t represent the average person. You can’t say that about Bush. Just as the average American is totally ignorant of history, geography, current events besides the Super Bowl, and foreign affairs, so too Bush shares these characteristics. Bush, like the average American, believes that America and Americans are morally superior and infallible, and that they have the right to do whatever they want. Bush also shares the distrust of the elitist mainstream media, and does not get his information from them. While I too mistrust the corporate state propaganda hacks, and get my info from the internet (recommendations: Strike The Root, Lew Rockwell, Antiwar.com, What Really Happened), Bush does even better. He gets all his information from National Security Advisor (or is that Liar?) soon to be Secretary (Liar?) of State Condi Rice. As these two play the real life version of Dumb and Dumber, one can only wonder who is minding the store, and the special relationship these two share. Of course, this raises the question--is Bush’s incompetent bungling all an act, a ruse to disguise his highly intelligent, criminal mastermind? All I can say, after four straight years of incoherent mumbling, showing a lack of intelligence to tie his own shoes or zip his own fly, if it is all an act, give the man an Oscar. Most Americans know that intelligence isn’t all that important, and that it is moral values that count, which Bush, like your average Joe Sixpack, knows means partying, and getting someone else to pay for it. Bush has arranged for his supporters to give him a gala inaugural celebration, while stiffing the taxpayers for the largest cost, to celebrate those moral values of four more years of state murder, theft and torture. Kid Rock will not be welcome at the party because of his cussing and attitude toward sex, which just doesn’t exhibit the right moral values, for which I say, thank God! Until the Kid can show the same moral rectitude as Bush clearly displays when Bush is swearing, giving people the finger, causing the death of innocents, and authorizing torture, the Kid must be ostracized – I mean, what use are high moral standards, without some means of discipline to enforce them? In addition to a strong moral character, Bush also has a dog, like many of his fellow Americans. One can’t help but wonder if Bush suffers from dyslexia, and confuses the words God and dog, and actually means he is talking to his dog when he claims he is talking to God. Whether it is Lyndie England as poor white trailer trash who abuses prisoners, with Bush being the rich white trailer trash who lives in the White House and authorizes prisoner abuse, Bush has something to offer to the average man of the street and truly represents all America stands for - excuse me while I get sick and throw up.  

Not only is Bush the perfect example of Boobus Americanus, he is also the best hope to convince people that the state is their enemy, and we would all be better off  without the state. Bush has even slipped up a couple of times and told the truth like in this classic W quote: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." This is something anarchists have been trying for centuries to get people to recognize. With the open criminality of the Bush regime, along with the collusion of both the Democratic and Republican parties in supporting its crimes, one would hope that this would cure many of their love for the state. Unfortunately, the state indoctrination centers known as public schools seemed to have done their job too well, and the mindless zombies that inhabit America can only unthinkingly follow one tyrant or another. Both liberals/Democrats and conservatives/Republicans seem to have fully embraced the welfare/warfare state, and now endlessly debate who should lead the state in its murdering and plundering, while ignoring that for all practical purposes, they advocate the exact same policies. Little do they all realize that they are contributing to the demise of the US Empire, and that pretty soon it will be: “Turn out the lights, the party’s over.”  

To conclude I would like to say – BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY! There ain’t no intelligent life down here.