I See Brain Dead People

by Mike Wasdin

I remember years ago, going to the movie theater and watching a movie entitled “The Sixth Sense.” In the movie there was a young boy who was able to see dead people. At the time I remember thinking how eerie that would be, but did not give it much more thought. In the movie, the dead were able to make contact with the boy and it was very frightening for him. Try as he may, he could not escape the voices and visions of the dead.  

Lately I have found myself in the same predicament, but instead of the clinically dead, I see the brain dead. I can’t get away from these mindless zombies. Everywhere I go, they are there. The worst part is, they cannot be detected by sight, smell or touch. One way to identify them is to look for the sheepish gaze in their eyes, but the best way that I have found is to listen for the mindless tripe passing over their lips.  

I think it would be a lot easier if I had a pair of special eyeglasses, maybe like the ones that were used in the movie “They Live.” At least then I would know when I was in danger of coming into close contact with one of them and hide my wallet from their grasp. As with most vampire-like creatures, they live off the life-blood of others, and would love nothing more than to suck someone dry.  

At first observation they seem very ordinary, but upon closer examination the signs will become evident. One of the signs to look for is in the posture of their arm, as it is always in a horizontal position with their palm facing up. If you encounter such a creature, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction, clutching your wallet as tightly as possible. Whatever you do, please do not let them trick you into giving up your life-blood, even if it is under the guise of a really good cause!  

If allowed to multiply, these bloodsuckers will breed future generations of parasites, all jockeying to find a place at the Federal trough. Their young taught at an early age to nurse from the government’s enormous teat, they are more than happy to leech off of the productive members of society.  

Their mantras are usually the same: It’s for the children; It takes a village; There ought to be a law; I know what’s best for you; People are entitled to basic needs. Of course my first thought being, how is this my problem? They are quick to enlighten me that it is everyone’s problem. Their pathetic dribble is only matched by their shameless welfare state of mind.  

I feel at times that I am in a bad horror movie, where all the logical and rational people are being replaced in the middle of the night with mindless pods, as in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” I see it everywhere I go, from the endless flag waving idiots who drive down the street with their “vote for Bush” or “vote for Kerry” bumper stickers, to the sheep who hold signs on Election Day telling you who to vote for, as if it matters in the first place.  

When will people learn that it does not matter who you vote for, government still gets elected? I have not participated in the sham known as voting for 12 years now, and I am ashamed that I ever did. There is nothing more brain dead than the people who walk around with their “I voted” pins stuck to their clothes on Election Day. To me it resembles a large beacon flashing the word “moron” over and over again.  

I must confess that I take pleasure in watching the mindless in action, and I have been known to watch the circus known as the Republican and Democratic conventions (for entertainment value only). I truly enjoy watching the glazed over look the sheep get in their eyes as they wave their campaign sign for their candidate, and think to themselves, “If we could only get our man in office, then all would be right again.”  

With every election cycle, I know that the sheep will be too stupid to realize that if voting worked, it would be illegal, and they always manage to live up to my expectations of them as they stumble into the voting booths for another round. The problem seems to be that we just have not found the right man yet.  

Looking back, I really envy the little boy in the movie “The Sixth Sense” because his only fear was that of dead people, and dead people don’t vote. I, on the other hand, have to live the rest of my life in fear of Brain Dead People.