The Mental State of Our Union

George Bush has got to go.

Why am I saying this? Two articles, in particular. The first appeared in the Washington Post on June 16th. The second appeared in World Net Daily on June 21st. When taken together, and looked at in context, they suggest a very frightening future -- a future in which Americans won't be able to say what's on their minds. So I'm saying "George Bush has got to go" now, while I still can.

Consider it a preemptive strike.

Let's work backwards here and start with the second article from World Net Daily. In it, we learn: "President Bush plans to unveil next month a sweeping mental health initiative that recommends screening for every citizen." That means he's sending us all to the shrink soon. Emphasis on "all." This includes you, me, your favorite aunt, etc.

"The initiative began with Bush's launch in April 2002 of the New Freedom Commission on Mental Health," the article goes on. "The panel found that 'despite their prevalence, mental disorders often go undiagnosed' and recommended comprehensive mental health screening for 'consumers of all ages,' including preschool children."

It adds: "Critics say the plan protects the profits of drug companies."

Now, I don't want to discount the financial motives here. Money isn't the root of all evil, but evil people use it to get what they want sometimes -- like new homes and sharks with laser beams on their heads. But if you ask me, this isn't about Bush's wallet. Nor is it about his best friends' wallets. It's about something bigger.

It's about mind control.

"Wait a minute. Mind control?" you say.

That's right. Mind control. Don't act so surprised.

Remember the first article I told you about? The one from the Washington Post? Yeah, that one. Well, in it, we learn about "an expert panel of federal experts," which is suggesting -- what with all their expertise -- that the FDA approve "a surgical implant that stimulates the brain" to treat chronic depression.

I repeat: A surgical implant to treat chronic depression.

"Using a technique known as vagus nerve stimulation, the device uses electrodes implanted in the neck to activate brain regions that are believed to regulate mood."

In other words, they want to delete your sorrows with a computer chip.

Here's me being sad :-(

Click.

Here's me being cured :-)

Click. Click.

So now let's look at it all in context. According to the Washington Post, the government wants to put a chip in your head if you're unhappy. With me so far? And according to World Net Daily, the government wants to be the one to tell you if you're unhappy to begin with. Don't you see what they're trying to do here? Put two and two together. George Bush wants your brain.

He already stole three-fourths of mine when I passed out against an ATM in the run up to the Gulf War. But you? You still have time. Reject this plan. Pronto.

"JDM, you sound like a lunatic," you tell me.

That's easy for you to say. For now. But I can run off a list of a million and one things that make me proud to be an American, and having a computer chip in my head is not one of them -- nor will it ever be, unless they program me to say otherwise.

I don't want to sound like an alarmist. I don't want to sound like I've watched too many sci-fi movies (I have). But there's a clear and present danger here. Anyone who can't see this has far too much faith in the goodness of government.

The possibilities are as endless as they are frightening. I envision a future in which Americans respond to the Commander-In-Chief's command at the sound of a bell. I envision a future in which we drop what we're doing and salivate like dogs as we hop on our lawn mowers and head towards D.C. to give the White House hedges a trim. You think it's impossible? The chips they're implanting "regulate mood." All they've got to do is flip a switch, and voila! We're sculpting bushes to look like the Family Bush.

I'm telling you this has "a population of slaves" written all over it. Are we not almost there, the way we hand over half our paychecks to the government?

Look, I have no idea if Bush actually wants to set up governing councils inside our minds. I'm not inside his mind -- hold your God-forbids till the end, please -- so I can't tell you what his true intentions are. But I can tell you this: I don't care if being sick-and-tired counts as a mental disorder now; I am sick-and-tired of having presidents who promise to "fight for us," who, in truth, only fight their way into the most intimate portions of our lives. That's why I'm saying Bush has got to go. And that whole stinking lot in Washington ought to go with him. I'm sorry, but I can't endorse a politician who endorses setting up shop in my own human head.

The government is a big, bumbling bureaucracy, which can't even keep its books straight, or pave the roads correctly. I have enough mental problems as it is. I don't need some two-bit, pencil-necked Washington intern playing The Sims with my childhood memories.

So call me crazy -- or better yet, don't -- but the "New Freedom" after which Bush's mental health plan is named sounds a lot like Old Tyranny to me. I happen to hold my civil liberties dear. There are things I'd rather do on a Saturday afternoon than pound out license plates for the ships in our Fearless Leader's Intergalatic Armada. He wants to conquer Mars? Great. Let him conquer Mars. But I've got my own chores to do. George Bush isn't my father. I don't want to rule the universe with him.