Why Anarchists Must Support Bush

by Anthony Gregory

George W. Bush has not been the ideal president from the point of view of an anarchist. But, in following the lead of so many libertarians who have endorsed Bush, I must put forward my reasons for supporting our president in his reelection bid.  

John Kerry would be a catastrophe for this country. He would likely expand the welfare state, run huge budget deficits, strip away our civil liberties, and bomb foreign countries that never attacked us.  

We just can’t let this happen!  

George Bush, on the other hand, has done many great things for liberty. He has discredited the welfare state, stopped the federal government from running surpluses (which mean the state is overtaxing us), made us appreciate our civil liberties more, and brought life back into the antiwar movement.  

Can you deny this?  

Also, George W. Bush understands the real America . He understands that Americans of older generations have died so we could be secure. Accordingly, he has sent Americans of younger generations to die so he could be secure. He understands the principles of fairness.  

Bush has a ranch in Texas . He eats beef patty sandwiches with freedom fries and hot dogs with liberty cabbage, just like the rest of us. He gets up in the morning every day, thinking as hard as he can about ways to be a good leader.  

Whereas Kerry always votes like a vile liberal, Bush weighs all options, and is willing to change course or compromise when necessary. Whereas Kerry flip-flops, Bush stands by his position no matter what. Whereas Kerry panders to voters, Bush doesn’t care what the polls say. Whereas Kerry seems to ignore what the American people want, Bush always has his finger on the pulse of the American majority’s sentiments.  

Bush understands that you can’t raise spending without cutting taxes. He knows that you can’t wait for a country to launch a nuclear missile, or even have a nuclear missile, or even be close to having a nuclear missile, or even have any chance whatsoever of ever procuring a nuclear missile, before you invade and bomb.  

Bush also knows that marriage is between a man and a woman; that Muslims deserve liberty, in spite of their not being Americans; that Baghdad is the capital of Iraq; that Dick Cheney is that balding, funny looking grumpy guy with the glasses; that the capital of the USA is Washington DC, but there’s also a building called the capitol, as well as a state called Washington and a man who used to be alive named Washington who founded America in 1776. Bush knows the difference between right and wrong, between up and down, between black and white, and between America and the rest of the world.  

Bush realizes that the world is a dangerous place, that there are people everywhere who want to destroy America, that it’s good to get some of your armies in the Middle East, because it makes it hard for your opponent to take Europe and Asia – and that taking Europe and Asia would allow your opponent to get twelve extra armies each turn, on top of the number of territories he controls divided be three and any extra armies because of countries he owns that correspond to the cards he might turn it at any time. You’ve gotta watch out for the cards. At first, you only get a few armies, but after a while, you get a whole lot of them every time you turn in a set of three cards, and that is simply not a chance you want to take. Before we know it, our enemy will be getting 12, 15 or even 20 armies when he turns in his cards! We can’t wait for that kind of smoking gun, so we must act now. He knows the best defense is a good offense, because you get three dice instead of two. Bush learned all this at Yale, strategizing with other average Americans his age.  

Bush knows that the War on Terror is not a game. Like Risk, the War on Terror is a sport.  

Bush also knows about the economy. He realizes that if you own a lot of property, it’s called a monopoly and you can charge more rent on it, and that the income tax wipes out everything most Americans earn from passing Go.  

Most importantly, Bush understands the true nature of our enemy. No matter how many bad laws or bad wars the Republicans are responsible for, the enemy is the Democrats. Got that?  

Jonah Glodberg once said that libertarians “need to understand that operationally they are still members of the capital ‘R’ Right.”  

And anarchists need to understand that they are operationally members of the libertarian movement. And we are all operationally Americans.  

No matter how bad Bush has been in some ways, and no matter how bad he would be in a second term, the only principled thing for all Americans to do would be to vote for him. We may all have our differences with the president. We might think his wars are murderous and his domestic programs are evil. And he might broaden the war and kill tens of thousands more.  

But it doesn’t matter. Free market anarchists have no choice but to vote for Bush. Not voting for Bush is the same as voting against America .  

We must not let the election become politicized. If Americans fail to unite behind our leader, whatever his flaws, and all vote for him when he most needs out votes, our once-great democracy will be no better than any single party state.